Today is Over-The-Hump Day!!
So, are you one of those "Over-The-Hump" or one of those who is under the hump? Sometimes I feel like there is so much going on, that the hump is piled high on top of me.Today is going to be interesting in that I have to get ready for one of those "procedures" where you have to fast for a couple of days before you go into the hospital. During the procedure they roll you in, hook your bottom up to high-pressure air and inflate to 30 psi. If that is not bad enough, they stick a tube with a camera attached to the end probe all the way through and you get to watch what it looks like "where the sun don't ever shine", but it gets worse still!
Do they just pull it out when they have gone all the way through you? Oh no! They have to turn it around INSIDE you; then inflate you to 45 psi and watch for air leaks as they watch while the camera is facing the other direction! During the whole time you feel like a human balloon while issuing abnoxious sounds from your bottom! You feel like a rubber duck about to explode!
Imagine for a moment, the sound of high pressure air coming out of a balloon, but it's not a balloon, it's coming from between your cheeks! (...You know, what cheeks I mean, the cheeks without lips!) You kinda' feel like the Michelin Tire character, but all pink and bloated.
So in celebration of the event I have written a little ditty based upon a popular old song:
While strollin' though my rectum one day,
Past some very hairy cheeks some say,
I was taken by surprise, by that camera in disguise,
When the doctor stuck it in and said; "Olay!"
Oh, how it hurt when she started to pump me up!
Oh, the pain, when she inflated up my rump,
I was in such agony, surely I was gonna pee!
Or just go.....pop!
While strollin' through my colon that day,
I could see right through to my organs to my dismay,
On the TV screen I spied, it was like seeing a sausage from inside,
I yelled; My God, I see my organs!" or so I cried!
Oh, the pain on seeing such a view,
How that camera turned the corner in me I haven't got a clue,
My god, my liver from inside me it looks blue!
I hope this is over soon, because I don't know what to do,
While strollin' past my kidneys that day,
She said "we're almost done." I yelled "hooray!"
Then that tube came out like a cork,
And the air rushed out like squeeling pork!
...While strollin' in my colon one day!
posted by ex-nuke bubblehead at
8:21 AM
7 Comments:
I have had to take those colonoscopy test every 3 years for a while because they found a polyp once.I guess alot of guys get that type of cancer.It is good that you are getting it done...puffy.
Yeah? Keep it up and I'll post photos from today's procedure! Yup, she gave me photos of the thing too!
I'll show you parts of me where the sun don't shine! How's that for a threat! I went through the whole thing without meds!
How did it feel without meds? They usually put me out....You will prolly get hooked on the procedure! Ha Ha!
Well, on a scale of 1 to 10 it was about a 4-5, not nearly as bad as last time I had it done (again without meds) and I would say much less pain then the some intestinal gas pains I've had before. Keep in mind that recovery this way is nil, you pretty much don't feel rotten afterwards and can resume normal activity right away, including driving! No dizzy sickness or tired feeling this way too. Personally, it's more painful getting a tooth drilled with novacaine then a colonoscopy without meds.
Hey, try it once, if you can't handle it, or if your doctor in not a good one then take the meds...
...Just keep it up and I'll post pictures! Hahahaha!
...That was cute Doug!
Keep it up and I'll send you a set too! From the inside looking out!
Haha! Those medical pictures, they sure can be interesting "ice-breakers" at you next cocktail party!
I understand the scope came right out of his nose..."Hey,what smells?"
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