Thursday, September 21, 2006

Flipping the "Willie" around!

William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
... by some accounts he died on his birthday!

Old "Willie" Shakespeare was a very wise man.

But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy words.

Now our crack team of cunning linguists has translated a number of Shakespeare's quotes into modern day English.

It's about time we were all able to enjoy the wit and wisdom of this oddly groomed scribe.

Quote: Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.
Translation: We should all masturbate more often.

Quote: The weakest kind of fruit drops earliest to the ground.
Translation: Only fight sissies.

Quote: Great floods have flown from simple sources.
Translation: Never have sex with your girlfriend during her period.

Quote: The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
Translation: Let's kill all the lawyers. Really! (Willie REALLY was a wise man ahead of his time!)

Quote: Be to yourself as you would to your friend.
Translation: It's OK to sleep with your best friend's sister because your best friend sure would sleep with your sister.

Quote: Is the jay more precious than the lark because his feathers are more beautiful?
Translation: Good-looking strippers get bigger tips. (Sorry about that Jay!)

Quote: Have patience, and endure.
Translation: Use one of those numbing creams if you have to. Or try wearing five condoms at once.

Quote: I can express no kinder sign of love than this kind kiss.
Translation: First base is better than striking out altogether.

Quote: Men at some time are masters of their fate.
Translation: Get married and you're screwed.

Quote: They that thrive well take counsel of their friends.
Translation: If your drinking buddies say she's really a man, listen to them.

Quote: That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man, if with his tongue he cannot win a woman.
Translation: If you're desperate to impress her, you can always resort to oral sex.

Quote: O, flatter me, for love delights in praises.
Translation: Honesty isn't necessarily the best policy when it comes to penis size.

Quote: The course of true love never did run smooth.
Translation: When dumping someone, always wear a protective cup.

Quote: I'll note you in my book of memory.
Translation: Don't expect me to call the day after.

Quote: Alas, poor world, what treasure hast thou lost.
Translation: Lap dances have actually been outlawed in some parts of the country.

Quote: Praising what is lost, makes the remembrance dear.
Translation: When you're telling your buddies about your conquests, exaggerate. A lot.

Quote: 'Tis better to be brief than tedious.
Translation: Nothing like a "quickie" anytime of the day or night.

Quote: My endeavors have ever come too short of my desires.
Translation: You've never had twins and you never will. Get over it.

How to AVOID speeding tickets!!!

"But officer, I didn't want to be blown-up!"

I gotta get me some of these

Instructions for a possible valid excuse to speed on the interstate.....................
Step 1. Tie balloons to car.
Step 2. Drive at what ever high speed you want....
Step 3. Watch other cars and the police freak out !!!!

I wonder if they make them in Tomahawk or Harpoons too?

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

About "The Star Spangled Banner"

About "The Star Spangled Banner" written in 1814

I must confess, growing-up I only knew verses one, two and four, usually verse three is not sung since it was a stinging jab into the side of the British who are now our allies! I especially enjoy singing the whole poem/song as this can be quite moving. Strange itn't it that the official "National Anthem" which is only the first verse ends with a question?

"The Star Spangled Banner"
Words by Francis Scott Key,
Music attributed to John Stafford Smith
from the song "To Anacreon in Heaven"

O say, can you see, by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
O say does that star spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free, and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep.
Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
‘Tis the Star-Spangled Banner! O long may it wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps’ pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the Star-Spangled Banner, in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O thus be it ever when freemen shall stand
Between their loved homes and the war’s desolation!
Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heaven-rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must when our cause it is just
And this be our motto: “In God is our Trust.”
And the Star-Spangled Banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

So, you're probably asking yourself what was "To Anacreon in Heav'n" anyway?
...Interesting question, actually.
The tune was probably composed by John Samuel Stevens although it was John Stafford Smith who wrote the tune in the mid-1760s, while still a teenager. It was first published by Longman & Broderip in London in 1778/1779, the original lyrics were attributed to Ralph Tomlinson and so "To Anacreon in Heaven" was the official song of the Anacreontic Society, a club of amateur musicians in jolly London England who gathered regularly to perform concerts!

(try singing it!)
The original lyrics are as follows:

"To Anacreon in Heaven"

To Anacreon in Heav'n,
Where he sat in full glee,
A few Sons of Harmony
Sent a petition
That he their Inspirer
And Patron would be;
When this answer arrived
From the Jolly Old Grecian:
"Voice, Fiddle, and Flute,
No longer be mute,
I'll lend you my name
And inspire you to boot,
And besides I'll instruct you,
Like me, to intwine
The Myrtle of Venus
With Bacchus' Vine."
The news through Olympus
Immediately flew;
When Old Thunder pretended
To give himself airs.
"If these Mortals are suffered
Their scheme to pursue,
The devil a Goddess,
Will stay above stairs.
Hark, already they cry,
In transports of joy,
'Away to the Sons
Of Anacreon we'll fly,
And there with good fellows,
We'll learn to intwine
The Myrtle of Venus
With Bacchus' Vine.
"The Yellow-Haired God
And his nine fusty Maids
From Helicon's banks
Will incontinent flee,
Idalia will boast
But of tenantless shades,
And the bi-forked hill
A mere desert will be.
My Thunder no fear on't,
Shall soon do its errand,
And dam'me I'll swing
The Ringleaders I warrant.
I'll trim the young dogs,
For thus daring to twine
The Myrtle of Venus
With Bacchus' Vine."
Apollo rose up,
And said, "Pry'thee ne'er quarrel,
Good King of the Gods,
With My Vot'ries below:
Your Thunder is useless"--
Then showing his laurel,
Cry'd "Sic evitabile
Fulmen, you know!
Then over each head,
My laurels I'll spread,
So my sons from your Crackers
No mischief shall dread,
While, snug in their clubroom,
They jovially twine
The Myrtle of Venus
With Bacchus' Vine."
Next Momus got up
With his risible Phiz
And swore with Apollo
He'd cheerfully join --
"The full tide of Harmony
Still shall be his,
But the Song, and the Catch,
And the Laugh shall be mine.
Then, Jove, be not jealous
Of these honest fellows."
Cry'd Jove, "We relent,
Since the truth you now tell us:
And swear by Old Styx,
That they long shall intwine
The Myrtle of Venus
With Bacchus' Vine."
Ye Sons of Anacreon,
Then join hand in hand;
Preserve Unanimity,
Friendship, and Love!
'Tis yours to support
What's so happily plann'd;
You've the sanction of Gods,
And the Fiat of Jove.
While thus we agree,
Our toast let it be:
"May our Club flourish Happy,
United, and Free!
And long may the Sons
Of Anacreon intwine
The Myrtle of Venus
With Bacchus' Vine."

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

"It'll never fly Orville!" ...or so they thought!

If at first you don't succeed, fly again!

...Hey, if TWO WINGS are GOOD, then that means...
GAX/GA-1 Triplane

Anybody got any "uplifting" comments? ...Hmmm?

Friday, September 15, 2006

Submarine Propulsion Systems

Now you know why submarine propulsion systems are so quiet!

Well, in an hour or so, I'll be driving off to New Hamster and then on to "Tax-a-chusetts" to attend the USS BOSTON Shipmates, Inc. Annual meeting!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

The Towel-head Bunch

Here's the story,
Of a crazy burka covered lady,
Who was bringing up some very ugly girls.
All of them wore burkas,
Like their mother,

The youngest one still had black curls.

Here's the story,
Of a man named bin laden,

Who was busy with the Taliban of his own.

They were four thousand men,

Living all together,
but they were all alone-.

Till the one day when the lady met this fellow,
and they knew they was much more than a hunch.
That this group,
Must somehow form a network.
That's the way we all became The Crazy Bunch,
The Crazy Bunch-
The Crazy Bunch

That's the way- they became the The Crazy Bunch!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

As cool as submarines are, when I was a wee lad I always wanted to be an Astronaunt!

"What's up docked?"

...Get it?

Friday, September 08, 2006

Why being on a Submarine is more fun!

As you know, sometimes in the Navy you get to do some pretty wild stuff, including some wild rides! Click Here to see why I would take a submarine over a surface ship any day!

Wet Kitty now is "Singing the Blues"

"Kitty" Singing the Blues!

First "Kitty" makes a big splash with the family during a little ocean adventure and now must suffer the humiliation of washing off all that salt water.

...What's that you say? Something about "Tumble-Dry?"

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Having Fun with "Kitty"

Okay now, I have a question...
What is wrong with this picture?

- Cape Missing: Could it be that "Kitty" is playing SuperCat?

...Up, up and away!

- Does he think he's "Rocky" the Flying Squirrel?
- Is it teaching "Kitty" to swim day?

- Could it be the annual toss "Kitty" in the water day?

- Raining "Cats" and "Dogs"? Hmmm, I don't see any dogs?

First, we all know how fond kids are of their pets, right?
But first, cats are not usually very fond of water, they also happen to have sharp claws too, thus the parents are obviously not "the sharpest knife in the drawer" that takes "Kitty" with them into an inflatible raft and then pulls that same aforementioned raft along with a power boat like you would be water skiing! What was mom & dad thinking here? Unless they really hated their children and REALLY hated cats too.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

The Original Stage Star named was Dan Leno, not Jay Leno!

"The GREATEST MUSICHALL STAR of the 19th Century!"
Dan Leno

Before Jay Leno, there was Dan Leno, who was considered the GREATEST entertainment star of his generation! Try doing a Google Search of Dan Leno and see what comes up!

Speaking of comedians, if you think that's interesting, try doing a search on the original Billy Murray the comedian and singer! I bet you know many of the songs he made famous!

Or better yet, how about Billy Williams, there was a great singer who died at as his carreer was just approaching the peak!!

Friday, September 01, 2006

The Sad Process of Recycling

Razor Blade City

It's always a sad day when you think of all those that have gone before us, only to end-up as razor blades or worse.