Friday, December 08, 2006

The Christmas Tale of "Rudolf the Red"

....Now it's gone too far!

Let me tell you a story of "Rudolf the Red",

Most ancient tyrants, whom all people dread,

He ruled with iron-fisted fear, throughout his reign,

Though centuries have passed, legend's all that remains,

From his castle of stone, where he passed his decrees,

Around Northern Poland, which the winter did freeze,

His heart like his home both of stone, they were made,

Living the life of a tyrant, by his cold-steel blade,

Now Rudolf was cruel to animals too,

Tough venison especially he liked to chew,

So, on the coldest of winter days he would order,

His servants to hunt for deer which to slaughter,

On the coldest of winter days the hunt would begin,

With cruel weapons the animals would be ripped limb from limb,

Cold steel claws were the weapons Rudolf liked best,

No other weapon could pass his cruel test,

The villagers living in the valley below,

Living in conditions of cold freezing snow,

Would hear from the castle, these terrible screams,

Saying, "Surly, Lord Rudolf is SATAN, or so, it doth seems!",

Now, after each animal was brutally clawed to its death,

Rudolf would order tower bells to be rung,

And the skins of the deer, on the doorway be hung,

This was too much for some, this cruel decree,

So they raised a rebellion, just to set the deer free,

They raided his castle, and gave Rudolf the sack!,

With his own cruel claw, they clawed down his back,

Loudly they cheered, "Satan's been clawed, and given the sack!"

"No more is it freedom of which that we lack!"

So they tore down the castle, and built a tall pole,

Totally black, it was made from the hardest of coal,

A monument to every departed soul,

Now memories, can change, their meanings we neglect,

What we once thought was evil, may changes as we reflect,

Lost until now, was this unlikely tale,

But its meaning right now I'll tell, without fail,

So Rudolf the Red, we see now quite wrongly,

The villagers called him "Satan with the Claws",

Now what we call him, is simply "Santa Claus",

…Does that give you some sort of reason to pause?

His reign of terror, and brutality to those deer,

We simply remember as "Eight tiny Reign Deer",

Playing too, were bells after each deer he slew,

We remember as Sleigh bells, on a sleigh, which he flew,

Riding on his sleigh, with deer under reigns,

Led by Rudolf, with his bright nose of red,

Children who are rotten, bad to their soul,

Get their stockings at Christmas, filled up with coal,

Though, the villagers gave Rudolf "the sack",

We remember him now, just carrying his sack,

Filled up with gifts, and toys on his back,

His gifts, for children, he never seems to lack,

We remember Rudolf, who lived to the north,

And remember the North Pole, from which he came forth,

His castle long forgotten, his evil obscured,

Perhaps, do you find this tale absurd?

Perhaps, this story gives you something to ponder,

If you don't believe it, just asking those who remember,

Ask Comet, or Cupid, or Blitzen, or Donder,

They will say: "It's the truth, no reason to wonder!"

Maybe next time, I'll tell you why,

Rudolf didn't die, there's reason to sigh!

And don't worry either, there's no reason to cry,

...'Cause now Rudolf,

After all these years, he learned his lesson.

But he's still not a guy,

...With whom YOU should be messin'!

'Cause he now packs a pistol, ...a SMITH & WESSON!

Merry Christmas!



Blogger SafetyValve said...

I tell you I like the pics of Douyg. Especially with the gun. He getting ready for me in Memphis.

December 08, 2006 10:38 AM  
Blogger Spectroid said...

That imbalance seems to be getting worse....

The REAL story, though, goes like this:

King Rudolph was lounging around the palace one evening, scratching the fleas out of his red beard, when his wife cam in and complained about the cold weather. She kept saying that they were in for a blizzard.

Rudy said she was full of crap and all that they would get would be a few sprinkles. Mrs. R kept insisting that there would be snow on the ground by morning.

The next morning, all there was was a miserable drizzle. Instead of rubbing it in, the king told his wife, "See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

NOW! Are you going to do something about that imbalance?

December 08, 2006 10:54 AM  
Blogger ex-nuke bubblehead said...

What do you mean? I got pictures to prove it!!

...I suppose you want another story now too!

December 08, 2006 11:36 AM  
Blogger bostonray said...

Well its no wonder he was always singing "fleas navydog" he had 'em in his beard,although I understand his wife originally had a crotch itch...hmmm,do you suppose????

December 08, 2006 1:39 PM  
Blogger SafetyValve said...

I tell you what.

December 11, 2006 10:35 AM  
Blogger SafetyValve said...

Is she related to Flea Shia Butz?

December 21, 2006 2:48 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home